


Why I hate you

by thesongofdarkness



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Episode: s02e14 Sous Les Paves, Episode: s02e15 No Heroics, Episode: s02e16 Old Habits, F/F, POV First Person, POV Laura Hollis, Season/Series 02, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:25:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4688981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written as the reason why Laura hate Carmilla. Written as Laura's thoughts toward Carmilla.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why I hate you

I needed to hate you.  
I needed to feel something other than this soul wrecking sorrow.  
I needed to stop feeling so empty, so useless and powerless.  
So I turned to anger. I let it fill me, I let it control me.  
I hide away all the memories of you and let my love turn to hatred.  
I built myself an amour sewn together by lies, anger and hate. I hide away behind it, I pretended that I hated you when it couldn’t be further away from the truth.  
I did this to protect my broken heart, my bleeding soul.  
I couldn’t let myself be hurt again, so I shut in on myself.  
I buried all my love, all the happiness and all the feelings I feel for you.  
I buried them deep inside of me, in the place of my heart that is reserved for you.  
I locked down my heart and threw the key away.  
I needed something to focus on, something other than this.  
Something other than my longing for you..  
I needed to stop myself from running to you and start begging. Begging you to take me back, to give us another chance.  
I needed to forget just for a while how much I need you, how much I love you. How much I had lost that night.  
I needed to stop myself from loving you, now that I knew how you really felt.  
I needed to keep my mind occupied so it wouldn't spin way into memories of you.  
I needed to stop myself from feeling so lost, so stripped raw.  
I needed to stop my mind from wandering into the darkness of question it all.  
Of question if you really loved me; if I should have seen it coming and if I could have done something different.  
I needed to stop my mind from wandering back to happier times..  
I needed a reason to stay away from you, to hide away from you so I wouldn’t have to face the truth.  
I needed to pretend for both our cases, that all the feelings we once had for each other are gone, that there isn't a chance for us two to get back together.  
I needed to pretend that we were both okay and unaffected by what had happened.  
I needed to hate you , so you wouldn’t see how much I love you.


End file.
